Ubisoft Press Conference Coverage.




Last year Ubisoft hit us with The Division, Assassins Creed news, Ghost Recon and a preview of the new south park game.  They’ve already announced there won’t be any Assassin’s Creed news this year, but they could always swerve us.  With AC out what could they be dropping to make us drool?  They’ve released a Watch Dogs 2 trailer so perhaps we will get to dive more into the world of Watch Dogs.

Right off the bat I can tell you the pre-show hosts are the worst people in the world haha.

Just Dance 2017

Starting off with some Queen just dance.  Having a good time!  It’s a pretty big get for these games.  You may not know this about me, but I HATE dancing.  So this isn’t for me, but I love the music of Queen.  I hate when people smile when they dance, like they are having so much fun moving around like a bunch of jackasses.  Just Dance 2017 comes out this year for all consoles and PC.


Finally, here’s Aisha Tyler to make this an actual video game conference.  Says a really nice comment about Orlando.  Says we all stand with Orlando.  This is her 5th year doing this show, she says she does it for the love of the games, and not the money (“ubisoft is French”).  Ubisoft is 30 years old.  Starting with the end of last year’s show.


Ghost Recon Wildlands

Trailer starts with you jumping out of a helicopter into a field which is also a drug field.  Trucks exporting drugs as a loud speaker plays a speech from a dictator.  Towns are burned down, hot broads looking in briefcases, priests paying people off.  Helicopter is now taking out the convoy.  Sniper in the field takes out one of the drivers.  Game looks huge.  The area looks immense with tons of opportunity.

Out talking about the coca leaf in Bolivia and what they use it for, headaches and energy drinks, but also COCOCOCOCAINE.  Set in a huge open word set in different eco systems, can be played as one player or four player multiplayer.  Next trailer being shown is the Ghost team going after the stew maker (he makes bodies disappear) There are multiple ways to talk out the target and you decide how you want to do it.  This team is deciding to take him out alive with extraction so they can get intel.

Goes in silenced guns taking out guards.  Taking everybody out.  Getting intel off a computer to where the target is.  Helicopter picks them up after intel gained and we see how big this world is.  IT’S MASSIVE AND BEAUTIFUL.  Another two person team is joining in, they are in an ATV.   Scouting the compound and tags a lookout.  Sniper takes him out.  Team is taking people out left and right silently.  Really cool scene.  Compound is an old town that a drone is spotting people all around.  Drone sinks into a building and spots the stew maker.  Team takes out the perimeter guards, team member is sneaking into building and gets spotted.  Sniper tracks him as another chases target on bike.  Other two in a truck.  One is headed to the chopper.  Whole team effort to stop this SUV the target is in. Uh oh, the targets SUV hits the bike and the guy does NOT fall off….  Chopped is closing in to help.  They PIT the SUV and get the guy out, into the chopper and take off while shooting at late reinforcements.

All in all pretty cool, but that guy not getting taken out by the truck is very meh.  They have demos at the show now.  Has a 2017 release date.


Get another video, talking about crime and drugs taking over the US and civilization being pushed to the brink, extreme steps must be taken.  THE COON.  Such a serious video for the new South Park game!


Matt and Tray come out to help out talking about this game.  “What’s going on in the fractured butt hole” “We don’t know yet” haha.  You play the new kid, who is playing super heroes with the other kids.  The kids have had an argument and now they are having a “civil war”

Were shown real gameplay footage.  You are still dressed in a king’s crown and Cartman tells you to fuck off.  You touch something and Cartman loses his mind.  Uncensored!  Timmy says freedom pals is adding new members we should too.  You sit down, well try but Cartman keeps telling you wrong seat.  Coonstragram page.  The character build page looks like DC Universe.  Really cool.  You pick speedster and Cartman calls out flash or quicksilver.  Over 12 power classes.  Fractured, but whole.

There’s a gay fish that loves fish sticks.  Wants helping getting his mom into heaven.  Cartman is in charge of giving back stories.

Your back story is you feel alone, and hear your mom calling for “help” (sex noises) You saw your dad fucking your mom and you couldn’t stop it.  Cartman doesn’t understand dads fuck moms to have them hahahahaha.

I didn’t get a chance to play the first one so I’m excited about this.  They’ve re done the combat systems.  Talk about how they wanted to keep the turn based system.  You can get behind cover, push and pull enemies, and get better spots to attack with.  You can use powers to go over obstacles.  Super powerful farts that rip the fabric of time.  Fighting strippers, Stans dad and chefs.

Anybody buys Fractured But Whole you get Stick of Truth for free!  If you pre buy it today you can get Stick of truth TODAY.

Release date 12-6-16.  See one more trailer that Matt and Trey made.  Goes over making the coon movie and Kenny tv show.  Following the same marvel plan.  Seeing the reason they are broken up.  Fucking Cartman.   Cartman released the principle at the end.


Going over the Division now and what’s new about it.  Hopefully they talk about fixing all the BS in it.  Going over underground, which must be DLC.  You’re fighting under the streets of NYC.  6-28-16 Xbox and PC August 2nd on PS4.  They are giving 3 outfits for free for users, ghost recon, rainbow 6 and splinter cell.  If you’re a member of the ubisoft club?  Going to talk about the next expansion.  Survival.  You are fighting for supplies in blizzards.  Trailer starts with a helicopter crashing and you trying to contact your party but you’re alone.  Go into grocery store and find supplies.  Have to run from other people looking for supplies.  You get tackled and beat up.  You’re about to get shot when somebody takes out the people.  Shows a huge armored bad guy at the end.


Ubisoft VR

Eagle Flight

Oculus is out with the ubisoft guy.  We’re jumping right into this game.  They are doing a PVP demo for Eagle Flight.  Seems like your flying over Paris and, well I don’t know because they keep switching cameras and players.  It seems interesting but I have no fucking clue what’s going on.  It almost seems like Quidditch.  They show the guys playing and they all look like Ray Charles.    Alright I see now, you’re all eagles and your capturing rabbits and taking them to your nest.  Seems alright.  I’m very wary of VR.  Bring me a Virtual Boy!


Star Trek Bridge Crew

Back out talking about new VR games,.  Star Trek game?  Oh for sure star trek game.  Ubisoft just won VR.  Talking to former stars of star trek and they are very hyped for it.  Karl Urban is there talking about how great is.  You can have a team on a ship, and everybody needs to do their job to make it successful.  Raising shields, firing back at Klingons, and going into warp speed.  LeVar Burton is out to talk about it.  Talks about how the set and the game compare.  You don’t have to imagine that the console is doing something, it is actually doing something and you’re doing it with your team.  Engineer, tactical, driving ship or captain.  He fell right back into his role on the show with VR.  Will be out this fall.

For Honor

Start a new trailer, amber waves of grain, HUGE earthquake tearing apart a castle.  The earth is tearing apart.   One survivor trying to find water and stops an attack from a ninja.  Its barbarian vs ninja vs knight.  Looks really great.  Huge battle as the world gross green around them.  1000 years of war.   Very Violent.  Barbarian gets shot by an arrow and the narrator is a war bringer.  Aploian?  Can’t spell it don’t even know if I’m close haha.  In the Campaign, you can join a legion to drive people out of your land Samurai trying to restore empire, Vikings are raiders.  Polyon?  Viking trailer shows a bunch of ships full of Vikings getting ready to take on samurais, who are unleashing cannon fire on you.  Samurais have stakes in the water to stop the ships.  Go to gameplay footage. You’re running through the castle and then take on a huge group of samurais, you can slash through a lot, but there’s a larger enemy that takes start and timed button pushes.  You have the Vikings shoot grappling hooks up the wall and now you’re climbing the wall trying to avoid barrels and other shit the samurais are throwing at you.  You’re the only one that makes it, and you’re slicing through enemies again. Using strong attacks to break through shields.  The game looks great and the background of your allies fighting is awesome.  Do a jumping attack and slice through an enemy.  Make it to what appears to be the boss of the castle.  He takes out most of your team.  The fighting system actually seems different, you push the R thumb stick to three different directions.  Makes me think it might be random attacks, but you overcome the boss and axe that sucka.

2-14-17, valentine’s day…..bummer

Grow Up

Are we talking about Grow home?  Pretty cool little game that came out a while ago.  Nope, sequel

Seems like a fun little trailer, but seems to stick to the original?  Doesn’t seem a whole lot different.  You can ride the star plants, and go to the moon.

Some Dbags are coming out in full zubaz outfits.  I’m not sure I know what’s going on, but I’m sure I don’t like it.  These guys are creative directors for different brands of ubisoft.


Trials of blood Dragon.

Old school toy commercial for trials of the blood dragon.  A mix of Trials and Blood dragon.  It’s out now.  I’m not sure how to feel about this.  Seems alright.  Trials wasn’t something I was in love with.


Talking about Assassins Creed movie.

New story, new hero.  Historical aspect and stunt workers doing parkour.  New trailer.  And Fassbender talking about the plot.  Sticks somewhat close to the game.  Templars and assassins.  Really pumping it like a tent pole movie.


Deadsec is taking over!

Watch Dogs 2

Deadsec wants you to join them.  We are in SF bay area.  You’re trying to get control back from the gov.  You can hack almost everything.  Cars scissor lifts.  You can control Drones to fly around buildings to see everything inside.  You can hack from the drone.  Hack camera, and hack from camera to camera and open doors, start cars.  Get over to the building and get some good music playing.  Sneaking around and hacking to distract guards and get past them.  Toss and object and electrocute one and choke out the other one.  Sneak over to the carand toss out an rc car that drives over to a server and hacks it.  You’re downloading evidence, and get into a fight with a guard, shoot out happens.  Hiding behind everything possible, hack a car and make it drive off the fucking roof haha.  Hack completes and you’re trying escaping.  Zip line over the city and into an escaping car.  Amazing. November 15 2016

Touring San Fran, dead sec interrupts and we get some rap and youre running around hacking everything.  Hack a car and it starts and drives into a gangster.  Seems really cool and innovative.


Seeing a bunch of people base jumping.  Seems like an extreme sports game. STEEP.  Seems cool, but not as cool as SSX DAMN IT.  Using a parachute to the top of a hill.  Use squirrel suit and fly down the mountain, through holes in mountains. Watch your friend’s crash and die.


Overall an alright showing.  The Ghost Recon, South Park, Watch Dogs 2 seem to be winners and I can’t wait to get my hand on them.  For Honor and the VR games seem interesting as well.  For Honor as a new IP is great and hopefully we get a winner.  I’ll be back later tonight with some thoughts for the Sony conference.